Open Communication Requires an Open Posture

When you communicate or present, your content may be strong and your language techniques flawless. Yet if your conversation partner subconsciously adopts a closed posture, the impact of your message becomes almost zero.

Research also shows that before you even say a word, listeners subconsciously form a judgment based on your body language. There’s a popular myth that 93% of communication is nonverbal - 55% visual and 38% vocal - based on a 1967 study by UCLA professor Albert Mehrabian.

But this claim is often taken out of context. The figures were only Mehrabian’s estimates, and the study only applied to incongruent communication; when what you say doesn’t match your tone or body language (e.g., smiling while you’re actually angry).

So, is there no truth to the myth? Actually, there is. Other studies suggest that about 33% of our communication is nonverbal still a lot, though far from 93%.

The main lesson: communication must be congruent. What you say has to match your body language and tone of voice. If you want open communication, both partners need to adopt an open posture.

Start with Yourself

Your own posture is the easiest to adjust. By opening up yourself, there’s a high chance your partner will subconsciously mirror you through their mirror neurons and also adopt a more open posture.

• Uncross your arms and keep them open.

• Show your palms as much as possible. Our subconscious brain is wired to distrust downward-facing palms. In ancient times, open palms signaled: I carry no weapons or stones.

• Maintain eye contact. The eyes are the mirror of the soul. Eye contact builds trust and naturally draws the body upwards into a more open stance.

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If direct eye contact feels difficult, create a stepping stone: point to a picture on the wall, a flyer, a screen, or an object. Once you shift attention back to your partner, eye contact becomes much easier.

Build Connection Quickly

• Introduce yourself right away and ask for their name. Repeat it out loud and use it often. Hearing one’s name builds involvement and appreciation.

• If the name is unusual, ask what it means or how it’s spelled. This creates connection and helps you remember it better.

• Use memory tricks: link the name to a vivid image, a well-known figure, or create an alliteration like Helpful Harry or Determined Diana.

• When someone joins the conversation, introduce your partner by name—further anchoring it in your memory.

  
  

Use Your Voice to Create Safety

• Speak from the belly. This lowers the larynx, giving a calmer, deeper voice and more resonance.

• Avoid the common mistake of ending sentences with a rising intonation. It makes you sound uncertain.

• Instead, “lay down” your sentences with calm endings.

• Use pauses. Silence shows control, adds weight to your words, and gives space for your partner’s input.

  
  

Compliments Unlock Openness

A genuine compliment at the right moment disarms, builds respect, and creates trust.

If your partner still remains closed or defensive, here are some practical tricks:

• Hand them something to hold, like a pen or a glass of water. Place it on their dominant side to avoid crossed arms.

• Give a form to fill in. This forces them to uncross arms and lean forward.

• Share a brochure or screen and review it together. Focusing on a common point naturally opens posture and feels less threatening.

• At the right moment, lean forward with open palms and ask: “I see you still have a question. What would you like to know?” Then lean back and invite them to speak. Your open palms signal subconscious honesty and invite openness in return.

Match Their Energy

Adjust your tempo and energy to your partner. If they seem shy or low-spirited, don’t overwhelm them with high energy. Start where they are, then gradually lead them toward a more positive state. This is known in neuropsychology as pacing and leading.

Warning Signals

Be alert for hostile or defensive postures:

• Arms crossed with clenched fists: defensive and aggressive, often signaling verbal or physical escalation.

• Self-hugging (gripping the upper arms tightly): a self-soothing gesture, sometimes so strong the fingers turn white. This signals stress. Your response should create safety.

• Gendered insecurity cues: women may hold one elbow with the opposite hand, while men often clasp their hands near their crotch. That's a subconscious act of protection rooted in evolution (unlike primates, whose arms naturally hang lower).

  
  

Such postures are common in courtrooms: the prosecutor showing aggression, the defendant holding their arms for self-soothing.

In Summary

• Adopt an open posture yourself.

• Use eye contact, a calm voice, and your partner’s name.

• Take small steps, watch their body language, and guide gently.

• Use practical tricks to unlock closed postures.

• Be alert for alarming signals and defuse them early.

  
  

Your communication will instantly become more effective and persuasive.

One Last Tip

Don’t try to apply everything at once. Instead, pick one technique each day or week and practice it until your subconscious brain has automated it. Step by step, open communication will become second nature.

You want to learn more about body language and subconscious influence? Feel free to contact us for a professional keynote or training.